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Prologue
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Chapter 1:
Fifty Shades of Grey – that was the atmosphere – surreal with no sense of smell or colour – just a spectrum of rainbow in grayscale, missing its core ingredients – the beauty.
534 BC, Somewhere in Northern Bharat
It was a moonlit night. The lean
frame was nervously pacing up and down in the open courtyard. The silence of
the night was only broken by chirping of crickets and occasional croaking of
frogs. It was monsoon season. A recent spell of rain resulted in petrichor, the
fresh smell that permeates after a recent downpour. The light torches around
the courtyard, though dim, cast an eerie glow – projecting the ominous shadows
that danced through the night.
The individual was restless.
Today, sleep was elusive to him. It has been elusive for quite some time now.
Insomnia has now become a routine problem. The only calmness came from the few
hours of meditation performed religiously during early morning that soothed his
mind and provided some respite from daily chores and hassles. His wife often
joined him.
He was hit by a full-blown
mid-life crisis in an age and era where the term did not exist and the
condition was extremely rare. The basic questions of life bothered him – his
existence and ultimate goal in life.
His father already decided the
future for him and groomed him accordingly. But he felt he wasn’t ready; it
wasn’t his destiny, neither was he interested. It was an insult to go against
his father’s wishes and he should ideally honour them at all cost.
Thankfully his wife understood
the turmoil that is constantly eating him up from inside. She whole-heartedly
supported him in his quest. He desperately needed to get an answer to address
the problem. The life that his father planned for him to lead the clan will not
let him find answers to the questions he was seeking. It needed a drastic
review and change in approach.
The issue was further compounded
by the fact that he recently became a father to a son. It made him all the more
detached from the material world. He named his son “Rahul”, which will still
remain a popular name two thousand years later. But right now, his mind was in
a whirlwind – what will he say to his son about purpose of life? Why was he
born? What is his destiny? Not knowing the answers to these questions that the
universe hid from him frustrated him further.
He looked up at the sky. The moon
was brightly glowing, outshining the brightness of the nearby stars; which were
otherwise visible during new moon on a clear night. He aspired to be that moon
that brings a soft glow of warmth in others’ lives; a feeling out of this world
– almost Godly and Divine…
He spoke aloud to no one, “What
am I doing here? What is the meaning of my existence?” Taking a pause, he
started, “Why is this unhappiness all around? Why do we have suffering? If all
men are created equal, then why do we discriminate in the name of caste and
gender? If death is certain, then why is life created? What is my purpose in
this world?”
These questions haunted him.
Vedas did not make much sense to him any longer. He clenched his fists; his
mind finally made the decision.
If civil service was the only way
– then he will do it the right way. Not being the leader of the clan; but by
being a beacon of light for the entire humanity.
He turned around and quickly went
inside the palace. Today, the guards had minimal presence. He walked down a
number of rooms and entered the large chamber where his wife and son were
sleeping peacefully. Lovingly he pecked his wife’s cheeks and looked at his son
longingly. He wanted to pick him up, cradling him in his arms but was scared
that he might wake up his son.
Slowly he stood up from the bed,
mouthing the last words of goodbye to his sleeping wife and new-born son. He
then turned around and walked out of the chamber, never to return.
He walked out towards the
courtyard, away from the stable towards the perimeter wall. Everything was
pre-arranged. His loyal servant Channa was waiting by the chariot along with
his favourite horse Kanthaka near the small backyard gate which was rarely
manned.
Channa tried his best to deter
his master from the lonely sojourn he was planning. But all advice fell on deaf
ears. Quickly he boarded the chariot and ordered Channa to take him to the
forest by the river side.
Upon reaching the predetermined
location, he handed over all his belongings to the charioteer. He was
travelling surprisingly light for a person of his stature. But, his mind was in
search of answers from the cosmos. All he needed was a unidirectional focus
away from the hustle and bustle of the daily city life.
It was so easy for him to leave
everything behind in quest for truth.
Had he been born today, the
Westerners would have called him Sid, his parents would have endearingly called
him Siddy; his passport would have borne the following details:
Given Name: Siddharth
Family Name: Gautam
Date of Birth: ~6 May, 563 BC[1]
Place of Birth: Lumbini
Father’s Name: Suddhodana
Mother’s Name: Maya
Devi
Spouse Name: Yashodhara
His passport would have most
probably been issued by the Republic of Shakya
Ganarajya, the earliest form of democracy known to India. The Regional
Passport Office [RPO] would have been Kapilavastu, the capital city of Shakya
Ganarajya.
To the world, he will eventually
be known as Gautam Buddha. His life would be well documented. He would be the
propagator of a new religion that would spread far and wide. His achievements
would eventually be added in the history text-books two thousand years later.
~2250 years later, 2014 AD, Present Day
Nothing much has changed in the
way humans feel trapped inside their mind and body. Infact it has worsened with
each passing century. Kaliyug at its heights.
[1]
Realistically there isn’t a way one could have predicted that Jesus Christ
would have been born 563 years later when the passport would have been issued
and that the Julian Calendar and later the Gregorian Calendar would be in use
world over.
Also there are few sources
which place Buddha’s birth from late April to Early May, 563 years before the
birth of Christ.
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Chapter 1:
Fifty Shades of Grey – that was the atmosphere – surreal with no sense of smell or colour – just a spectrum of rainbow in grayscale, missing its core ingredients – the beauty.
What it lacked in colour – made
it up with a sense of anxiety – constantly gnawing at the edge of mind – a
sense of dread of something awful about to materialise.
The next moment, you are on the
edge of a precipice of a skyscraper – looking below – a mile below; and before
you comprehend, an invisible finger flicks you off the edge like a feather – death
rushes to meet you at a breakneck speed that you can’t control – your brain
screams “FUCK! NO! I still haven’t finished the freaking presentation!” And
then you are about to splatter yourself on the pavement with a giant THUD! For
a moment, a very small miniscule moment, you are even embarrassed about the
amount of splatter the collision would cause, leaving last traces of your
earthly body a cause of embarrassment for your near and dear ones – That’s no
decent way to leave this body! You are in foetal position, about to embrace
death – The body twitches miraculously before it hits the ground and you are
awake with a jerk! Strangely alive, drenched in sweat, heaving, relieved – a
flurry of emotions sweeps over; taking a moment to realise the oppressive heat
of room was overpowering – power outage all over again with no AC running and
the ceiling fan too lethargic to stir the stale air of the room on a draining
end of life inverter.
Meet Vishal! Our Protagonist.
A look on his right – the right
side of his bed that consumed 80 percent of the surface area of the bed – Anushka
was sleeping peacefully with a smile of a baby on her face. Not a worry of the
world etched. Damn! He thought, feeling jealous.
A tap on the smartphone revealed
the time – 3:07 AM – an eerie bluish glow illuminating the still sweat-drenched
face. Sleep was over as far as Vishal was concerned. It eluded him after such
nightmares. Soaking the sweat of his forehead with his tee – he swiped the
screen, thinking of playing candy-crush to kill time; hopeful of sleep to drug
him silently – he suddenly felt the urge to pee… nice timing, he thought.
Relieving himself in the
bathroom, humming a Hindi retro song – his mind for a second went back to the
chain of events, analysing sub-consciously what the heck in the world woke him
up and why the fuck was he humming a Hindi retro while peeing in the middle of
the night. Berating himself for the foul mood that seems to be his only
companion these days, he made a conscious decision to cheer himself up. Two
things do cheer him – Porn and Alcohol – both the options not viable at the
moment. It was too late in the night to watch porn on a draining laptop,
risking awaking his wife, Anushka. Nevertheless, he smiled at the thought of
how much it would irk her and piss her off. Well, he can’t blame her though for
the situation he was responsible for, technically. Shaking off the thought, the
second option of taking a swig of his favourite poison – Old Monk in the damp
oppressive Delhi heat didn’t look too inviting either.
Instead, he booted up his laptop,
deciding to finish off the presentation that he left midway; utilizing the
remaining battery effectively. What a
life! he thought. Powerpoint winning over Porn! Ridiculous! Five years back
– it would have been just porn, hands down… but guess marriage does tame your
instincts and emotions. It forces you to be mature, even when the core of your
heart tries to rebel every now and then, with devastating consequences, while
the brain watches the carnage as by-stander, smirking – I told you so. But, Dil hai ki manta nahi… If one chronicled
all such actions, it would run into several volumes of failure that encompassed
Vishal’s entire life of 28 years of journey in this material world.
To an ordinary middle class
Indian family, these failures on the contrary would be shining examples of how
the children should be brought up and shoved into the world of rat race –
wagering bets against neighbours’ kids, jeering and cheering their own flock as
if in cock-fights, to win at all costs, all personal costs ignored; overlooking
the fact that for all practical purposes, asking a fish to climb a tree or a
goading a monkey to be polite – results in losing the essence of what education
should be; disregarding completely what the child wishes to do and wants to
excel in. Imagine Manmohan Singh as PM in the second half of UPA tenure or if
Sachin Tendulkar would have chosen classical singer as his vocation –
Disastrous results.
Nevertheless, our Vishal has been
an above average achiever in life, just short of being brilliant – just above that threshold, able to manage the
expectations successfully of his parents somehow when all hope was lost for
them… After marriage, the story continued though; Puppet remained the same,
puppeteers changed hands. Vishal is in a prison of societal expectations – an
enigma that is engulfing the current generation – forcing a societal upheaval
that challenges the traditional ways. Well, can Vishal be a foot soldier in
this grand upheaval? The chances are slim for Vishal though, given his past
record of failing so superbly at everything that he rebelled against. No
wonder, he even thinks twice at doing the right things that the society expects
him to do.
Vishal can be considered a
success as per a traditional Indian Societal Scale – that has only two ratings
– “Sharma ji’s beta/beti” and then
you! The “luccha, lafanga”. But the
scale changed often as per circumstances and convenience. Often other parents
painted Vishal as “Sharma ji’s Beta” in the traditional scale in front of their
kids, ironically Vishal has been labelled as an “idiot” by his own parents’
umpteen times when he failed his parents by not being able to clear simple exams like AIPMT or AIEEE. It was
a tremendous shame for the family that has the track-record of producing only
doctors and engineers for the nation! Vishal turned out to be the black sheep
despite all efforts and good intentions. But somehow all wasn’t lost. He
graduated top of the class in Biotech from a decent college without capitation
fee – that somehow salvaged the situation. Biotech was in vogue and the next
best rage in the country in the field of biosciences after being an actual
doctor. No one actually knows what a biotechnologist in India does except
cleaning petri-dishes and autoclaving them in pharmaceutical companies. But
anyway, then the second rage came to his aid – the magical 3 letter degree
known as “MBA” that every Tom, Dick and Harry nowadays possess.
MBA provided him the necessary
boost that landed him a decent job with a six figure salary that would be
considered obnoxious by many in an economy hit by recession just then. Job
security was considered a luxury back at those days. His designation is
“Consultant” in an IT industry that would be an envy of many. His peers since
graduation meanwhile slogged off their asses 18 hours a day in bio-labs
fighting for a PhD degree that has one fourth of the pay and no life – but
loads of respect! Respect is what is missing in the corporate world. Respect!
It is so easy to buy nowadays; directly proportional to the amount of money
doled out as compensation with a dash of ass-licking as needed – corporate
style, coupled with fanciful designations that has no true meaning – even HR at
times wonders patting their own backs, how the hell they came up with so many
different VPs in their organization – just adding Sr, Exec, Corp and Asso in
front of VP while playing a game of lotto during corp rejig. Vishal is
considered lucky – he is fucking lucky to have a job that pays well according
to his family benchmark and has been doing well since. He got promoted almost
every other year – that’s icing on the cake; He has gained respect in the eyes
of society – of which he is still scared of.
But what about Vishal? What does
he think? One would think that Vishal’s story is over. Society has achieved
what it’s supposed to. Bend, break and build a stereotype and produce a Vishal
as per their standards. It’s now time for Vishal to implement the story of his
life on his kids and create a replica of his as per norms – for which he has
already started planning, thanks again to societal pressure of becoming a
father or else facing the prospect of getting his sperm count checked. Anushka,
the love of his life, was two months’ pregnant. The thought brought smile to
his lips. His heart fluttered at the thoughts, warmth creeping inside his
already warm body, thanks to oppressive heat – he bent over and kissed Anushka
on her sweaty forehead – who was snoring through the night, at peace.
Looking back at the slides he was
working on – he thought of innovation! Like an Entrepreneur… Let’s put in some animation to make the
slides look interactive with bright colours, he thought, hoping to get
across the message to his client effectively, who were a constant pain on his
arse – ever demanding and constantly unhappy like all clients are supposed to
be. Vishal was a perfectionist though – one trait that despite all his handicap
has supported him in good stead all these years in the corporate world. A
notification on his screen popped up “Only
7% Battery Remaining”, he decided to quickly mail the deck to his manager,
Sahil, before it’s too late – he was over the deadline by a day. He could make
the final changes later in the day. The clock struck 5:00 AM. His Friday has
begun.
Shutting the lid of the laptop, Vishal
gently eased against the headboard – propping himself against the pillows,
making himself comfortable. Staring blankly across the wall, he wondered, how
exciting his weekend is going to be; which nowadays was mostly sleep marathon
of 12-14 hours and then lazily watching a movie gorging on pizza and coke. Anushka
gave him full company, especially now, that she at times get these mood swings,
thanks to pregnancy, to crave spicy and fatty foods which was previously a
strict no-no. A once flat tummy has slowly gone rotund, thanks to sedentary
life style and free pizza offers. His friend circle has drastically reduced
after marriage – who now passingly remember him giving him wide berth;
considered pariah since he stopped coming over for Counter-Strike marathons. Lazily
feeling his tummy in slow circles, thoughts flashed through his mind of
possible alternatives – of the possible outcomes if he was allowed to make the
important life decisions during his formative years. Nah! He was not allowed to think that way. Vishal laughed at
himself and turned towards his wife, still snoring away peacefully, fully
unaware of the turmoil in Vishal’s head. He snuggled against his wife,
caressing her belly, soothing their still unborn child.
But a devil crept up from behind
– inseminating a thought that will take deep roots… What will you tell your child? Have you succeeded or failed in life? That
was a tough one considering which side you are on. What will be your advice to your child – perform or perish? Or chase
your own dreams and be free… be truly free to make your choices and fail! A
laugh escaped his mouth, disturbing Anushka from her deep sleep. He quickly
turned on his back, trying not to wake up Anushka, observing the slowly
rotating ceiling fan – his mouth turned firm, his eyes showed resolve – No, I will rebel. I will mutiny one last
time… I will fight these odds… and with these thoughts, his mind went to
peace and sleep engulfed him all of a sudden.
But what will the protagonist do? It most probably will be something unimaginable by all standard, bordering on daring on stupidity - depending on whether it will succeed or fail! As a silent observer of Vishal's actions to be able to read his mind, I have full faith that Vishal will not fail to amaze his wife and parents, the people closed to him who matter, much to their chagrin. But what will Vishal do? That remains to be seen...
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